Jokes My Father Taught Me

It's Father's Day once again, and holding with semi-regular tradition, I must insist that my dad is the best dad in the world.

One of the best things my dad taught me is how to laugh, really laugh.

Oh, the Irony
Dad taught me how to find irony in any situation and laugh at myself. No one makes perfect decisions every day, and everyone has a little bit of social awkwardness that can't be hidden, but if you can learn to make those experiences larger than life and give them a sense of the ridiculous, you can make anyone laugh.

Inside Jokes
We have a lot of inside jokes in my family, and most of them involve dinner-time conversations that got out of hand. All of them revolving around my father. Quoting movies, bodily functions (yes, my father is seven at heart) and childhood memories feature prominently in these jokes. With one phrase, Dad can make us all laugh until tears stream down our faces. If you ever join in on one of our family dinners, I recommend you avoid talking about spiders, angry letters, mashed potatoes, moving furniture, wise guys and building camp fires, or you might think you've sat down to dinner with a bunch of raving lunatics.

Bring on the Cheese
While Dad loves to play with words and laugh at good memories, he also has a repertoire of jokes that never fails to make us groan. (I'm trying to keep it fairly clean and P.C., but these are still really bad jokes.)

Q: What’s red and goes ding-dong?
A: A red ding-donger.
Q: What’s green and goes ding-dong?
A: A green ding-donger.
Q: What’s blue and goes ding-dong?
A: Sorry, they only come in red and green.

Q: What’s the last thing that goes through a flies mind before it hits the windshield?
A: It's rear end.

Q: What's red and green and goes 50 miles an hour?
A: A frog in a blender.

Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the Shell Station.

Q: Why are blond jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
(I inherited my blond hair from my father, so he taught me this one early. Of course, he taught me all his blond jokes first.)

Happy Father's Day, Dad! I hope your day is filled with joy and laughter. I know you have filled my life with both.