A Book-Ended Year

As the New Year approaches, I've been thinking a lot about the past twelve months: the goals I set, the things I have (or haven't) accomplished, and my hopes for things to come.

1. In a lot of ways, I feel like this year has been book-ended by tragedy. With Ashley's death at the beginning and Prince's death at the end, I've been dealing with a lot of emotions. While Ashley's death was prolonged yet expected, Prince's death was shocking and terrifying. Seeing two children die in such different ways has made me... Well, I'm not sure what it's made me. In some ways a better, stronger person, in other ways more fragile and pensive.

2. Along with the sadness, there have been some incredible highs this year. Between all the traveling I was able to do and the writing conferences I attended, an entire world of ideas and experiences opened for me. I also launched a new look for my website, attended my first live Shakespearean play and saw the beginning of the end of Harry Potter.

3. The weather has been a force to be reckoned with. Early in the year I was trapped at home by Snowmageddon, and just this week I was trapped in Pittsburgh thanks to the unruly weather. Yet I managed to survive--the first time because of a great roommate who kept me from going stir-crazy and the second time because of a wonderful gate agent determined to get me home. And now I have several pairs of warm boots and a heavy-duty shovel I hope never to use again.

4. My reading patterns are constantly changing. This year I stopped doing a lot of book reviews because I wanted to experience some of the great books I missed in my obsession to read the newest releases. Instead I migrated towards creating reading lists to help readers establish good habits rather than forming an attachment to one book/series.

5. And now, my writing. I feel as though my writer self somehow got lost this year in all the tumult in my personal and work life. Plot flaws prevented me from finishing my novel, I wasn't able to apply for the SCBWI WIP grant because of a funeral, I never submitted the magazine article I was working on after realizing it wasn't fitting the submission request, and NaNoWriMo didn't happen because I was working on some big projects at work. I feel like a bit of a failure in this respect, but I also realize I need to move on and do better.

Goals for the coming year:

1. Find joy, even in the sadness. Yes, bad thing happen. To everyone. No one is exempt from tragedy, and we cannot always protect those we love the most. But the thing we have control over is how we react. We can spend out lives being sad or worried or angry. Or we can spend our lives hoping for more, looking for good and living life to the fullest. So this year, I'm going to focus more on the better choice.

2. Live a more active lifestyle. This is not a resolution to lose weight or an exercise plan, but it's a goal to do little things to get me out of the house and interact more with the people around me. I tend to get caught up in my schedule and rarely make time to swim at the pool, take a walk on the Mt. Vernon Trail or go rafting in the Shenandoahs.

3. Visit my brother in Hawaii. Who doesn't want this to be a goal? But it might be harder than it sounds. I need to stop running off to NYC or Chicago and using all my vacation time with out-of-town guests. I have never wanted to go to Hawaii before my brother moved out there, and I kind of wish he'd move back to New England so getting together wouldn't be such a hassle. But spending a week during the fall in Hawaii will make the coming winter bearable.

4. Find balance in reading. I'd like to read more nonfiction this year. I've accumulated a lot of writing-craft books I have yet to open, and I love reading histories, biographies and analytical books. It's also been a long time since I've sat down and read a classic novel. Reading new children's/YA fiction is great and I don't plan on stopping, but I need a well-balanced reading diet, which I'm not currently getting.

5. Make writing a priority again. I've done it before, and I'll do it again. I need to set aside a specific time for writing and writing development. I want to have at least one magazine article (or newspaper feature story) published this year as well as finish my current WIP and get a solid start on something new.

So another year passes. Chapters open and close. Change comes, yet somehow, things stay the same. Time is a fickle thing, and I hope, if anything, this year has taught me to cherish the moments that come my way and hold dear the moments I leave behind.

More time to waste saving time

I'm really not sure how I feel about my new smartphone. Sometimes I think if I were smarter, I would have gotten a dumb phone that just does things like save phone numbers and make calls from remote locations like the traffic jam one mile from home or the church parking lot. Instead I had to get the phone that connects to the internet, takes pictures, finds me no matter where I am, makes Julienne fries and creates world peace.

But I can also do great things on this phone like accidently dial my dad at 1 a.m. while trying to figure out how to sync his contact information in both my phone and my email address book. I can also figure out that I've double booked myself every Saturday between now and the New Year because I can never seem to keep just one calendar that I faithfully update and check. And of course there's Tetris. And Angry Birds. And endless trivia games.

So while my new phone is supposed to save me time and make me look more intelligent by keeping all the information I need right at my fingertips, all it has succeeded in doing thus far is making me spend time trying to figure out how to work it so I don't look so stupid.

Off to the Races

I need to stop looking at my calendar. Really.

Every time I open it up, I get intimidated by everything I need to get done and all the places I need to be. I look at everything going on and think: When will I have time to sleep? How will I ever get laundry done? Will I be able to get those books back to the library before it closes? Will I even be able to read those books before I return them? Who will miss me if I skip out on that event?

And my calendar doesn't even take into account all the reality TV I want to be watching or the old episodes of Quantum Leap I still haven't finished.

Instead of methodically prioritizing and completing the items on my calendar, I go into hibernation. Instead of getting things like writing and eating done during "normal business hours," I realize I'm hungry at 9 p.m. or wake up at 2 a.m. to change a word in my WIP because my character has the latest Mac desktop in her room, not a television.

No kidding, that's why I'm awake right now. I couldn't go to sleep out of fear I would forget to change that one little detail.

One detail I won't be forgetting this weekend? My very first writing conference for SCBWI. I'm really excited for expert panels, writing workshops, manuscript critiques. But in a way I'm also really nervous. It's like this is me saying, "Here I am world! Judge me!"

Wish me luck, and wish me sleep. And don't be offended if I miss your calls because I'm sleeping at 8 p.m. rather than watching The Bachelorette like a normal human being.

Stuck in the past

I've been watching all these TV shows from my childhood, and I have no idea why. It started with Doogie Howser, M.D. And now I'm on to Quantum Leap. Next it will be Twin Peaks.

I really need to get a new hobby like bike-riding or fencing.

A Friday Five for the first time in...well, I really can't recall

1. I've bee thinking a lot about time again. As many of you who regularly read my blog (or talk to me when I'm in an existential mood) know, this is a topic that intrigues me. I am not a true chronomaniac as I am not obsessed with schedules and time management, and I am kind of the opposite of a chronocentric as I believe that you have to judge people based on their own time and not the time in which you are most accustomed, and I am definitely not a chronomancer as I believe that your fate is created by the actions you take and not what time you take those actions. So my question is, what is it called when someone is obsessed with how time flows and how the past, present and future interact with each other? With how many sci-fi books on time travel there are out there and how many time theories there are in physics, I can't imagine there isn't a term for someone like me. And this all started thanks to a decades costume party I'm going to tomorrow night.

2. I can't seem to make myself sit down and read a book, write a review, work on a manuscript or do anything else at the moment. It is all I can do to make myself post on my blog. I think it's because I changed jobs at work and now spend more of my day reading newspapers, editing editorial submissions and writing media responses. I think I'm kind of burned out at the moment. Hopefully going to Chicago for Labor Day will help pull me out of my funk.

3. I have finally finished unpacking. After more than a month in my new place, I unpacked my last box this week. As this is just a temporary place, I'll have to pack and unpack everything again in January. I don't know if I'm looking forward to that or dreading it.

4. I also organized my bookshelves this week. When I realized I had far to many books to fit, I took about 25 books to the library donation books. While I always deal with a bit of separation anxiety when I give away books, I know the books will go to a good cause--supporting my local library. I also feel a bit liberated by the fact I gave away a bunch of books I have owned for years and will probably never read. Those books haunt my bookshelf. There are so many good books out there and not enough time to read them all, so I need to be a little more selective in my reading choice. Okay, if I was really reading at the moment I would need to be more selective in my reading choice. Right now I just need to chose something--anything--to read.

5. I've been feeling nostalgic for 80's sci-fi movies this week like The Boy Who Could Fly, Flight of the Navigator and Space Camp. I often get in the mood to watch these movies, so I'm thinking I need to start buying some of these classics. I also just realized all of these movies were released in 1986--I wonder if there is any significance there.